Dear DP Phans
by Raven or Phoenix
Summary: Heyo! I really wanted to do one of these, and I don't think DP has one yet, so here it is! Just complete randomness and letters surrounding our favorite TV show characters, or at least our top ten. If you have an idea, please R&R. Crack!fic
1. Chapter 1

Dear DP Phans,

I. Am. Not. Dani's. Boyfriend. I am her cousin, not her dad and definitely not her messed-up lover. Isn't that incest?

Sincerely,

Danny

* * *

**This is meant as a joke only. Please do not take it seriously. **


	2. Chapter 2

Dear DP Phans,

Danny and I...

Are you honestly suggesting that we...

I am honestly disgusted by all of you.

Thoroughly disgusted,

Vladimir


	3. Chapter 3

Dear DP Phans,

Let me just start off by saying this: EWW!

I do not like Paulina!

Or Valerie.

And the thing with Dash was to snap Danny out of his love trance.

And Tucker? Really!

If you're so desperate to ship someone, Danny and I are dating now.

So please, keep your OCs away from him.

Sincerely,

Sam (not Samantha)


	4. Chapter 4

Dear DP Phans,  
I'm in love with Phantom.  
I hate Fenton.  
Two beings, same person.  
I'm struggling over here and you have the nerve to make a fool out of me?!  
I'm going to tell my daddy on all of your sorry-

* * *

Dear DP Phans,  
Sorry, Paulina was starting to annoy me.

Sincerely,  
Raven (and Paulina)

* * *

**Sorry for not updating yesterday. I had a "dance" recital that was as bad as ****. **


	5. Chapter 5

Dear DP Phans,

Eew! Gross! Why would I like the fruitloop?

He's like, 80 years old! Like, seriously, have you seen his hair?

He could be as old as Technus right now!

Ugh, I feel like I'm going to puke!

-Dani Phantom

* * *

Dear DP Phans,

Sorry, Dani's been spending to much time with Kitty, Jazz and Ember.

And Danny.

So, you can see how that ended up.

Sincerely,

Sam


	6. Chapter 6

Dear DP Phans,

Look, I get that you want to ship people, but seriously?

Phantom is me, we are both the same person, and that whole Dan business is messed up and never happening.

The incident with the Fenton Ghost Catcher only split my attributes and special abilities between two beings, Jazz's words.

And I'm pretty sure that I am not shallow enough to fall in love with myself.

I'm not Paulina or Dash.

Sincerely,

Danny

* * *

**Some of the reviews from the last chapter made me laugh, so thank you. And yes, people ship Dani from Dan's future with Vlad from the present DP universe. And Danny. It is very confusing and strange since Clockwork deleted that parallel universe already, but I am not one to judge. So that's that. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is dedicated to UltraRecycloVegetarian and Guest (Gives a hug)**.

* * *

Dear DP Phans,

I am taken, baby pops. Perhaps you have met my boyfriend, Skulker?

I'm not going to date the dipstick or any of his loser friends.

Sorry to burst all of your bubbles.

Also, I thought the fact that I fight him would be a sign that I. Don't. The. Dipstick.

So, that ship = not happening.

Keep on rocking,

Ember

* * *

Dear DP Phans,

Okay, who haven't you shipped me with? Ember and I are friends, and that's pushing it a bit.

Sincerely,

Danny


	8. Chapter 8

Dear DP Phans,

Wait a minute, can Dan actually do those things?!

Clockwork, a little advice and guidance over here!

Can we get a guard dog to watch the thermos?! I suggest Cujo!

Or a black hole! Hello?!

* * *

Dear DP Phans,

I am truly sorry for the wait, though I'm positive it will not show in this electronic letter. I was summoned by Danny and found him unconscious and pale after reading your fictional, fanatic stories. No, Dan cannot and will not get out of the thermos and torture Danny in any way. And how in Pariah's name can you mortals describe such scenes with exquisite detail? Or know about them in general?

-Clockwork (and Danny)

* * *

**I'm starting to run out of ideas, so if any of you amazing readers and writers out there have an idea, please review and tell me. And on a completely unrelated note; Laura quit stalking my fan fiction account and get a life! (Classmate of mine who decided that the best way to annoy me is by stalking me outside of school.) **


	9. Chapter 9

Dear DP Phans,

Whatever Danny's been telling you, I am not a spaz!

I am not called or named Spazzy and I made that very clear to Danny today.

Seriously, you would expect better behavior from the one that saved the world.

Sincerely,  
Jazz

* * *

Dear DP Phans,

If anyone gets this letter, I'm stuck in the thermos! Help! Spazzy's gone insane!

Sincerely,  
Danny

* * *

**I am friends with people who should be in an asylum. *Cough*Laura*Cough***

**Getting back to the point, if you are insane, you are BRILLIANT! If you read, you are FANTASTIC! If you review, you get a COOKIE!**

**Had sugar today when I wrote this. Sue me. **


	10. Chapter 10

**This is dedicated to Corinne the Anime. Here's your chocolate chip cookie! (::)**

* * *

Dear DP Phans,

The whelp? I get it. I'm just that freaking awesome. But, I do have my own girl and I don't like the whelp. The truce has been over for a while.

Start Running,  
Skulker

* * *

**I am so sorry! I got grounded for a couple of days because I pranked my sister!**

**In my defense, she almost broke my phone.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for not updating, I had a very rough week. I just finished school :D and I have been babysitting my cousins and sister all week. Also, just so you know, I'm a bit of an insomniac and have been having a lot of trouble sleeping which is apparently very bad for my health. Still think it's unreasonable. So, I'll be updating at least twice a week now to spread things out and get some rest. Once again, sorry. **

* * *

Dear DP Phans,

Okay... That is sort of disturbing.

One, if Vlad ever gave me the talk, I would easily knock down his mansion with my wail.

And yes, I have been alive for about 8 years, I learn to pick up some things like that. Or like an awesome scream that destroys things.

And two, I know babies aren't created in a lab from a DNA donor like me.

But still, I guess, in a sick sort of way, that's how you acknowledge me and stuff. So thanks.

But seriously, disturbing much?

Sincerely,  
Dani

* * *

Dear Vlad,

Stay. The. Hell. Away. From. Danielle.  
I hope that was clear enough Fruitloop.

A very overprotective cousin,  
Danny


	12. Chapter 12

Dear DP Phans,  
Okay, I have no words for this.

And EWW!

My mother is happily married to my dad, JACK FENTON.

Not VLAD MASTERS.

Ugh, I'm going to puke.

Scarred for life,  
Danny

* * *

**Sorry for updating so late, I went on a trip. **

**Next chapter: I have no idea!**


	13. Chapter 13

Dear DP Phans,

Me and Fenton?

No, just no.

I am perfectly happy being single right now and I don't need a half-phantom hybrid thing to keep me company.

Once again, I do NOT like Fenton.

I respect him enough to not bully him or tease his friends and him anymore, but that's about it.

-Dash

* * *

**I had some requests for this. I was originally going to make him a jerk, but if someone you hate suddenly turned out to be someone you adore and look up to along with saving your life multiple times, wouldn't you be respectful of that person? I tried to make him a bit stupid though :) Improper grammar! **


	14. Chapter 14

Dear DP Phans,

Why do you persistent people keep claiming that Dani's my daughter? She is only about eight mentally and I am about nineteen as of last year.

Seriously, do you want Sam to go bonkers on me?

If you want to be technical, then say I'm her twin or something. We do share the exact same DNA, with some changes since she's a girl.

Unless you can give me proof, then no.

Sincerely,  
Danny

* * *

**I'm going on a trip and I'll try to update there as well, but don't get to excited. I'll do the ships with Danny in the next couple of chapters. And I need a vote. If you want Danny to answer your reviews next chapter and hold off the ships to have a little chapter with Danny and Dani, then say 1 with your review and proof. If you just want Danny to realize he's clueless and Dani is his daughter (I'm a whovian so my viewpoints say yes since Jenny) and send an apology letter after the ships, then with your review say 2. Thanks, and keep reading and be insane! I'll check the votes when I get off my flight!**


	15. Chapter 15

Dear DP Phans,

No, Skulker and I do not like each other, no matter what the child says about Skulktech 9.9, the coolest and hippest piece of technology ever! For I, Tec-

Oh dear Pariah, please don't monologue again. And I do not like Technus!

Sincerely,  
Skulker and Technus 2.0


	16. Chapter 16

Dear DP Phans (or rather, very desperate people in need of mental help),

Yes, I am still stuck in this stupid thermos that my idiotic younger self put me in.

Yes, I have ways of reading these works of children that you mortals seem to enjoy so much.

I particularly love Danny going through torture scenes and everyone dying. There should be more stories like that.

Thank you for the many diabolical ideas that I shall try as soon as I get out this blasted thermos!

Evilly signed,  
Dan

* * *

**Has anyone else noticed that Dan calls Danny "Danny" and even though he is part Vlad (Ew) and knows that Danny hates being called "Daniel" he still calls him the nickname that he likes and prefers? Does anyone else find this confusing? If you hate someone this much, you would be expected to call them names that they hate!**


	17. Chapter 17

Dear DP Phans,

**Why do all of you stupid mortals process someone hating someone as someone liking someone? **

***cough*Clockwork*cough***

Tell me about it. Do I need to mention the Vlad stories?

_You two think you have it so bad, people ship me with Val!_

**Aren't you like, six?**

_Eight!_

I don't think she counts as an enemy Dani.

**She was our enemy. Both timelines.**

Okay fine, don't ship us with enemies or _past_ enemies.

**Thank you...Not!**

_Why are we even talking to the Hades wannabe?_

**Why you little-**

Sincerely,  
**Dan**, Danny and _Dani_

* * *

**Got this idea and held it for a while, so here it is!**


	18. Not a Chapter just good news!

**Hey Phans, guess what?**

**C'mon, guess. **

**Fine, I'll tell you. **

**WE REACHED 100 REVIEWS! **

**Yep, so I have a special chapter planned, just for you amazing readers and reviewers. **

**But I need your help. **

**If I hadn't reached any points that you want to make in the show, **

**Or you want to annoy/embarrass Danny,**

**Send in a question or statement before Saturday**

**And you will definitely be featured on Saturday's chapter. **

**Thanks for everything!**

**-Raven **


	19. Randomness (Chapter 19)

**Warning: Complete Randomness Ahead, created by a sugar-high author at 11:00 at night. **

**Hello ladies and gentlemen, or obsessive Phans, welcome to my completely finished chapter for the 100 reviews! Actually, 107 give or take a couple. I took all reviews from Chapter 18 and a couple from some others and created this monstrosity, which will hopefully make you laugh. Or be mentally scarred, whatever. Thanks for reading, and you people are awesome. **

**Characters may be OOC at certain points due to me!**

* * *

Danny: Welcome to this 100 review Q&A! Made specifically for all of you Phans that still read stories based on my show. Thank you for the loyalty.

Dani: I was scarred for life by half of these stories.

Clockwork: I do not like where this is going...

Danny: Okay, first question,

* * *

'Dear Danny,  
What did you ever see in Paulina? Shallow witch if I ever saw one! And what are some of the things you love about Sam? You told her you love her, right?

Sincerely,

Luna, your biggest fan, and I'm not the obsessive/stalker type'

* * *

Dani: Thank Clockwork.

Clockwork: You are welcome.

Dani: Ha ha. So funny.

Danny: Heh, it was high school. Thank Pariah I grew out of it. And yes, I'm sure Sam would agree with you on the shallow witch comment. And there's a lot of things I like about Sam; her hair, the way she laughs, the fire in her eyes-

Dani: Danny, you're going to waste our time if you keep going on about Sam. Luna, he loves everything about Sam. Except her combat boots, those hurt.

Danny: Geez, sorry Dani. And yes, I have told her I love her, every day ever since we started dating. Ghost hunting is a very dangerous business, and Sam, Tuck and everyone else on Team Phantom, they're at a large liability since they rely on guns that can jam up and explode. Either that or they can be killed in a ghost attack. Dan was a perfect example of that. Speaking of which...

Clockwork: Danny, Dan has suffered enough after Dani threw the thermos out of the room and landed it on the fireplace. And let Cujo use it as a chew toy.

Dani: That jerk had it coming. He called me 'an unneeded and unnecessary waste of space and air and that Vlad would have been better off not even creating.' And that was the nice one.

Danny: Okay? Next question from A Girl in Green;

* * *

Dani, how did you meet Dan?

* * *

Dani: Oh, heh, funny story. Danny took me to meet Clockwork after we saved the planet from that asteroid thing-

Clockwork: Disasteroid.

Dani: Disasteroid, and he invited us back to his lair. Now, ghosts have these auras that you can see, it's this white glow around us, and the brighter it is, the stronger the ghost, which is why Danny's is so distinct. It can't be seen as well in the ghost zone, which is why we can sense the power level of the ghost. Anyway, I felt Vlad's aura, and I freaked out, tackled Danny while screaming at him, then Dan said to shut up. One thing led to another and now I hate beyond comprehension. The end.

Clockwork: Ah, I remember that. I also remember someone screaming back very distinct words.

Dani: Hey, I have Danny's mentality, blame him for cussing so much!

Danny: Don't drag me into this Dani. Next question, Dani go get Desiree.

Dani: That's not a question.

Danny: The question's for her.

Dani: Kay-Kay!

*few minutes later*

Dani: Got her! *shakes thermos and releases her*

Desiree: How dare you-

Danny: Desiree, we have a question from Invader Johnny. Ahem,

* * *

'This is a question for Desiree, is she annoyed that despite being the most well developed ghost she never got a boyfriend?'

* * *

Desiree: ...Excuse me?

Clockwork: Desiree, I would just answer the question, these two are as stubborn as mules.

Desiree: But...Fine. I will going to take the 'well-developed ghost' part as a comment. And, since no one wished me a boyfriend, and I'm dead, I never got one. But, I am only slightly annoyed, my obsession is wishes, not gaining attention from men.

Dani: Good, now get out.

Desiree: Wait, what are you-

Dani: Out.

Desiree: Goodbye then! *Waves and disappears in smoke*

Danny: That was disappointing. I wanted drama.

Clockwork: I feel like all Phantoms carry a maniac gene.

Dani: I'm taking it as a complement Clocky!

Danny: Next ques...

Dani: Danny?

Clockwork: I do believe he got to the shipping part.

Dani: Who are they shipping him with? And no time powers! *snatches slip* Okay, reader's name is Some Weird Chick, and she says,

* * *

'I would just like to say while searching the weird part of FF (I was bored, had nothing better to do), I found Danny/Box Ghost. Now don't get me wrong, open to a lot of things but... Really? Oh and it was M.'

* * *

Danny: Okay, EWW!

Clockwork: I told you so.

Dani: Ugh that was so disturbing. Some Weird Chick, you broke Danny.

Clockwork: Once again, I told you so.

Dani: Shut up you overgrown stopwatch!

Clockwork: ...No.

Danny: Gah! Box Ghost!

Dani: Next Question!

Danny: Oh dear Pariah it's another statement. Cookieplzandthnx says,

* * *

'I remember seeing a reaction to Danny/Lancer, anything to add Danny? Or does Danny know about the Tucker and Sam...KISS!'

* * *

Dani: Ew.

Clockwork: Indeed.

Danny: I'M GOING TO KILL THAT GEEK!

Dani: Uh oh.

Danny: HOW DARE HE KISS MY SAM! HOW DARE SHE KISS HIM!

Dani: HOW DARE YOU KEEP YELLING! Seriously Cuz, tone it down.

Danny: DOWN? DOWN! HE KISSED MY SAM!

Clockwork: Time Out. Anyway, as you see, that's his reaction. And isn't it funny how no one mentioned the Lancer/Danny fanfiction. Cookieplzandthnx, here is your dose of Danny's inner rage. Time in.

Danny: MY SAM! ONLY MINE! NOT THAT BERET WEARING WEAKLING!

Dani: Your insults are insulting.

Clockwork: Danny, you do realize that people ship you with Lancer?

Danny: THAT TWO-FACED...Did you just say... EW THAT IS SO...SO...so...

Dani: Petrifying?

Danny: Yes, petrifying. Now, I'm making time in my schedule for murdering Tucker. Anyway, next question.

Dani: I'm saying the dang thing! Anyway, there's a guest reviewer, if you're a guest, please make up a name so we can properly thank you for reading. So, another statement, Danny, go hide somewhere, and tons of commas and hopefully comas in the near future. Guest says,

* * *

'They should make Danny evil agin like in control freak'.

* * *

Dani: You were evil?

Danny: One time!

Clockwork: I do believe you played dress up and stole a cloak and scythe.

Danny: I hate you all.

Dani: Love you too Cuz! No incest, don't make me bring up that subject again.

Danny: That was taken care of in my first letter.

Clockwork: There is an alterna-

Dani: No.

Clockwork: I think you-

Dani: I said no.

Clockwork: Teenagers...

Danny: I'm an adult!

Clockwork: You do not act like one.

Danny: Jerk. Getting back to the subject, Guest, if you want me to be evil, ask Tucker what happened to him.

Dani: He shall be dearly missed. Anyways, the next statement, Pariah save us, is from 1eragon33 and he says,

* * *

'Crossover fic do a letter about them and altuniverses too.'

* * *

Clockwork: I do think this is my forte. Danny and Dani could take care of that crossover letter later, but the alternate universes rage on. There's one about Daniel and Vlad, Dani and Dan, Dani and a young spirit, at least compared to most residents, named Jackson Frost, who looks a bit like Danny, though I do believe that's a crossover as well.

Dani: A dude that looks like Danny? Oh my god there are two of them?! I think I'm going to go puke up my breakfast now.

Danny: Gee Danielle, glad to see you care.

Dani: Ugh two annoyances. *pukes*

Clockwork: And Jackson has ice powers as well.

Dani: Not helping.

Danny: Can I meet him? We could dress up like each other for-

Dani: No, if there's two of you in one room, Paulina will explode. Granted, it would be satisfying, but there's going to be pink everywhere.

Clockwork: The next question is from Hellbreaker, she says,

* * *

'If Dan were to kill Dani, would that be considered as a form of suicide?'

* * *

Dani: Nope! I'm all Danny DNA, but Dan's was merged with Fruitloopy-ness and one, forms of suicide would make him cease to exist, though it sounds like that flame-head anyway. Also, my DNA was slightly altered due to me being a girl, the reason that you don't give a girl some insane dude's DNA, and I thankfully have the Ecto-Dejecto to thank for that!

Danny: Short reason, her DNA is altered to safely combine with her body and hold together thanks to the Ecto-Dejecto, therefore Dan killing Dani is not suicide. It would actually be closer to... Nothing, what would you call killing your clone?

Dani: Not. A. Clone.

Danny: Pariah, someone's a bit snappy.

Clockwork: Anything else?

Dani: Think that's all the questions.

Danny: Aw, but we only had one guest, and I was not going to get the Box Ghost for that other comment.

Clockwork: If you let that nuisance into my tower I will shove you into Dan's thermos.

Danny: Meanie.

Dani: Grow up. I'm eight and I'm more mature than you!

Danny: Jerk. Okay, thank you for reviewing, reading and simply being a part of this draining journey. Also, congrats if you made it this far with Ms. Sassy and Dr. Killjoy. Goodbye, and don't forget to be ghostly!

Dani: You so ripped that off.

Danny: Shut up!

* * *

** I warned you all. This was really fun to make actually, though a major pain in the *%#. Hope you laughed, seeing as this fic's main purpose is to be random and funny.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-Raven**


End file.
